Cycle 20 and reflecting on the past year

So, This past Wed. marked my 20th cycle of treatment. I get "unhooked" tomorrow and will be feeling pretty tired for another three days after that. Then I will feel "normal" again until the next treatment. This is the way it goes and how I am managing my cancer as a chronic illness instead of the death sentence that some would like me to believe. I am living day to day with hope. July 2nd will mark my 1 year since diagnosis. What a year it has been!

It has been a difficult year for all that are close to me. We have certainly had our fair share of heartache, but we have also overcome many obstacles that have been thrown in our path. My children seem more content and happier than they have been in a long time despite the difficulties that we still face.

Up until early this year, my middle child was dealing with a lot of emotional and mental issues. Over the course of the past six months, he has made a complete turn-around. In fact, he has made huge improvements emotionally, mentally, and even socially. I was at my wits end with a very "difficult" child. When I look at photos of him from the past, he always seemed sad and grumpy. He never wanted anyone to touch him --no hugs or kisses for mommy. Today, he is always smiling in pictures, likes to be tucked into his own bed with hugs and kisses and is a wonderful friend and big/little brother. I am so proud of his accomplishments.

My oldest has also had her fair share of emotional and difficult times. Since she is a pre-teen, the full reality of my cancer and all that we face is known to her. She spent a few months with pretty major depression and anti-social behavior. She didn't want to do homework and really just disliked the "world". I was seriously worried about her. She also has made a huge turn-around and is such a remarkable young lady.

I guess I should feel lucky that my youngest is pretty clueless in terms of all that has happened in our lives. We have all come together as a family and Mark has been a blessing in helping us to live our lives as normally as possible and for my children to experience what it is like to be a part of a true family. My two little boys have found that they really enjoy each others company. When they play together they are starting to show how much they love and are fiercely protective of each other. It is so sweet how much little brother looks up to big brother.

The past few months have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Several of my stage Iv friends have become very ill. Some have recovered and are still fighting. One last week lost after a very courageous battle until the end. He was a fighter. I love my life and all those in it and I will continue to fight to be with my love ones for as long as I can. I still believe with all my heart that I can live with this. It sucks to wake up and your first thought is, "I have cancer", but you put your feet on the ground and you live!

As usual, thanks to everyone for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support. It means so much to me that so many people are rooting for me.

Until next time,
Vicki

Check out this great giveaway

My friend Danica has an awesome food blog and is currently doing a giveaway. I encourage you all to check out her great recipes and amazing pictures. You can check out her giveaway at the following link:

http://danicasdaily.com/wiseman-tea-magic-tea-post-giveaway/

Kicked off Cycle 16

So, yesterday I went in for my five hour infusion. It went well and as always I fought the benedryl. I hate to sleep, so I watched kitty shows on Animal Planet, chatted with the other patients and nurses, texted with my a few people, and read a little. It actually went by pretty fast. I had my blood counts done just before infusion and they are normal still. The Doctor said that this chemo shouldn't affect them as much as the Oxy did.

My neuropathy is still really bad. My hands and feet are constantly numb and sometimes it's all the way up to my knees. I guess that is unusual. The doctor was surprised that my old clinic gave me the full 12 cycles of Oxy with symptoms this bad. It sounds as if this may be a permanent condition for me. It is uncomfortable and frustrating when I can' open things myself or normal small motor tasks take longer than usual, but it is something that I an live with.

I will have another PET scan in three weeks to determine the process of this current treatment. I am crossing my fingers and praying that it continues to do its job. I will have one more cycle before it is done here in Duluth, MN. Then I will have an appointment with the doctor to go over the results.

I also learned yesterday that the doctor here has been giving me steroids in my pre-meds. I am not happy about this. I went through 13 cycles of treatment without it, so I am not sure why they are giving it to me now. I have noticed a marked change in the way I feel. I feel way worse than I ever have. Increased hunger, thirst, urination, water retention, weight gain, and headaches. I feel like I am constantly hungry and thirsty. This is something that I am going to discuss with the nurses on Friday (when I gt unhooked from my pump) to see if they can get the Doctor to eliminate this as part of my treatment for now unless it is necessary.

The rest of my life is wonderful. I started my class at University of Phoenix and it has certainly been keeping my mind occupied. I have a busy week this coming week with papers due, Kindergarten preview for Tyler, and a couple of other appointments. It is nice to be living life with my honey and my kiddos. My daughter has one more month of school and then she will join us here in MN. I am so excited for that. We talk and text daily, but it just isn't enough.

Thanks to everyone who continues to support me, pray for me, and cheer me on. You are all blessings to my life.

Doctor's Appointment

Went to see the Doctor this morning for my check-up and to go over the results of the blood tests I had done on Monday. My CEA (tumor marker) went down from 770.9 to 697. My Liver is functioning normally and all my blood work was normal. A CT/PETSCAN is being scheduled in four weeks time to see where we are at with treatment. For now, things are improving and the treatment is working.

I took both my boys in for their check-ups and they withheld a couple of my youngest child's shots because they are live vaccines. There was concern that it might be too dangerous for me during treatment. I mentioned it at my appointment today and they told me that if I can avoid changing his diapers for 72 hours, he could receive his shots. That would be impossible, so I am holding off for now.

My youngest currently has a cold that I am trying to avoid getting. I am taking him to the doctor tomorrow as a precautionary measure. Poor little guy!

I started my class at the University of Phoenix on Tuesday. I am really excited about taking this step to further my education. Plus, as a added bonus it keeps my mind occupied on other things besides the big "C".

Thanks for all the continued support and prayers. I know they are working as I have been blessed with more time with my loved ones.

Cycle 15 completed

Not sure what happened to my last update from the restart of my treatment that I posted a couple of weeks ago, but I thought it was time for another update. On Wed, I went in for about five hours of infusion at the clinic and came home with my "baby bottle" for two days. I was unhooked early this afternoon and get to enjoy a week of freedom now. I am feeling alright so far. A little more tired and it seems that I have been getting really emotional on unhook days. I think that it is the one day that I tend to sit on the "pity potty" and think all sorts of irrational thoughts. Often times, I think of milestones in my children's life that I want to experience. With my middle child going to Kindergarten in the fall, I think of how I so badly want to see my youngest do the same.

My daughter's 11th birthday is next week and I think of what a beautiful young woman she has become. I want to see her go to her prom, graduate high school, go to college, get married, and one day have babies of her own. I want that more than anything.

I think of how lucky I am to have a wonderful man like Mark in my life. How important he has become to me and how much I want to share a beautiful future with him. He is so supportive and puts up with my many ups and downs along this journey. I am a very lucky lady!

I start my first class with the University of Phoenix next week. I am excited and nervous at the same time. It is one of those things that I have put off for too long. I am looking at this cancer as a chronic illness instead of thinking the worst. This is something that I can LIVE with.

Next week, I get my blood tests done and see the doctor. I will update again then. Hopefully, I will have good news to report on the chemo's progress. As always, I appreciate all of the people who keep me in their thoughts and daily prayers. You all have been so wonderful in helping me to stay positive and keep fighting.

Update March 2010

Went in for an appointment with my new Oncologist yesterday morning. We discussed my prior treatment and he ordered a new PET scan to be done in the next couple of weeks. I meet with him next week, so that he can get all my meds situated here and I start Chemo next week. I will be continuing with the same Chemo - Folfox without the Oxy with the biological treatment Erbitux. He also is putting in a referral for genetic testing as there is a possibility that I have a syndrome that I may have passed along to my children.

He showed me the scan images from Jan on his computer of my Lungs and my Liver. My lungs were clear in Jan, but my Liver images (although not a surprise) were shocking to see in visual. My tumors are still quite large and he made it clear that this is a chronic lifelong condition. I may go into periods of remission, but it is unlikely that I will ever be cancer-free.

Otherwise, I am doing quite well. The boys are going to be enrolled in an excellent daycare here for when I am receiving treatment. They are both very excited to play with other children their own ages.

As Always, thanks to everyone for the continued prayers and support. I will update again next week when I see my Oncologist again and start back up on Chemo.

An Update

So, it has been awhile since I last updated. The boys and I are still in Minnesota enjoying an extended "vacation". The boys have enjoyed playing in the snow, sledding, and making a snowman with Mark. It has been a wonderful time and a much needed break from my normal routine of Chemo, Dr's appts, and the regular craziness of my life.

I have an appt with my Oncologist on the 15th of March to discuss treatment options and see where we go from here. I am still feeling pretty good except my Neuropathy has gotten much worse over the past few weeks. My oncologist said that without the Oxy, that I would feel a lot better. I am hopeful that it is just getting worse before it gets better. My hands are so bad that I am continually dropping things and having a hard time using them. This is something that I definitely need to discuss with my doctor. Other than that, I feel really "normal" and healthy. There are many days now that I wake up and have a hard time believing that I am even "sick". I am taking this as a wonderful sign that I will beat this nasty disease despite the odds.

Life is pretty wonderful right now and I am thankful for all my blessings. Mark has been a wonderful support to me and makes me a believer. I see a bright future ahead of me that is not filled with sadness. I don't think so much anymore of not being here for him or my children. I believe that I will conquer and live a healthier life with him by my side.

My kids are thriving now. Kaylie is doing wonderful in school. I am so very proud of her. She has really made a turnaround and I contribute that to my mom's loving support of her and the fact that mommy is not so depressed and angry anymore. Tyler has been doing fabulous and has made huge progress. He ADHD and other issues are being managed beautifully and I feel much more in control of the situation. Logan has entered the "terrible twos" and is in to everything. He is such a little stinker. They are all doing great! :0)

I'll update again soon when I have more details on my treatment. I am very thankful for my blessings and for each moment. Thank you all again for your support and prayers.