End of June update

Not much has changed in terms of my treatment. I think there seems to be an ongoing misunderstanding with some of my friends and family regarding my treatment. I am currently on lifetime chemotherapy. There is no cure for me and I will continue to receive chemo for the duration of my life. It would literally take a "miracle" for my cancer to be cured. So, now it is all about living with cancer as a "chronic illness". When I was first diagnosed with an emergency trip to the hospital, my colon had actually ruptured. This actually was a very bad thing in terms of my prognosis.

So, for the most part, I have just been trying to eat healthier and exercise to increase the odds of my beating the odds. I am truly living my life for the sake of those that care about me. I am actually feeling pretty great these days. For a long time, I couldn't function without taking a daily nap, but I haven't needed that since the kids got out of school for summer in late May. Maybe that is because we have been really busy with activities like a trip to the Mall of America and the Aquarium in April and the zoo last weekend. This coming weekend we are celebrating my youngest child's 3rd birthday with a trip to Adventure Zone in Duluth.

Today, we went to my Oncologist appointment. I didn't have chemo today, but will resume next week with my regular bi-weekly schedule. I'm in the process of getting some major dental work done. (Thank you to cancer and chemo for completely destroying my teeth and any previous dental work I had done in 2008). Yesterday, I had to have two teeth pulled. Fortunately, after all I have been through, it was a piece of cake for me. So, we were going to schedule my dental work around my chemo, but after seeing me today, my oncologist and I decided that it was not necessary to delay any treatments. I would have had treatment today, but I had all three of my kids with me. Five hours with all three of them in a treatment room did not sound like a good day. So, instead we re-scheduled for next week. After my Appointment, the kids and I headed off to order my youngest child's birthday cake. I held him up to the book of cakes and he picked out the cutest Dora cake. :)

So, not much has changes around here, but we are keeping busy and having a fantastic summer.

Thank you for all your wonderful thoughts, comments, and prayers. They are keeping me as healthy as possible.

~Vicki

It's been such a long time (an update)

I really apologize that it has been such a long time since I updated my blog. Life has been crazy with three kids. I almost don't know where to start. Towards the end of last year, I had a scan and got the scary news that my cancer had spread once again to my lungs. We immediately switched my treatment to Folfuri with Avastin. I was scared, confused, but so very happy to be done with Erbitux for the moment. However, it always seems that you trade one nasty side effect for another. In the beginning of this treatment, I suffered horrible stomach aches and constipation. Thankfully, the pain was worth it and my latest scan showed no visible lung mets. The treatment is working. The side effects also seemed to have leveled out. I still have some back pain, headaches, and some not so fun lip blisters. In spite of that, I can say for the first time in a long time, I feel almost "normal". I can only pray that this treatment continues to do its job for a long time to come.

As for the rest of my world, I am just trying to live as normally as possible. I just finished my eighth class at University of Phoenix working towards my Bachelors. I have put my education on hold so many times in my life that in spite of everything, I feel there is no better time than "right now". It keeps me focused on something other than sitting on the "pity potty" and makes me feel like I am accomplishing something. For those that know me, you know that I take everything that I do very seriously and put all my effort into it. It has been hard now because with treatment comes "chemo brain" and I feel like I have to work twice as hard to concentrate and focus on anything. Maybe this is because I have been on continuous treatment since July 2009. who knows?!?!

All three of my kids are doing fabulous and I couldn't be prouder. I think the fact that I feel and act stronger than ever has helped them to manage their own emotions regarding my diagnosis. We all just have to live each day to the fullest and take it one day at a time. They know that their mommy is fighting like mad to spend more time with them.

In closing, I will say that this year is starting out on a more positive note than last year and I will continue to fight to be with my children. I appreciate all of my friends and family who continue to send their love, prayers, and support to me. It means everything to me. I will make more of an effort to keep people updated through my blog. I tend to forget that not everyone sees my daily progress updates on facebook or otherwise. To my cancer friends, you are all always in my thoughts and prayers.

Finally...an update!!!

It has been quite awhile since I last updated my blog. I sincerely apologize to those of you that follow my blog only. I tend to forget that not everyone is seeing my daily status updates on facebook or hearing about my elsewhere. I will make a better effort in the future to not leave people wondering about me. I am still fighting with everything that I have to kick this cancer's bootie!!!

These last few months have been busy with so many changes. In early July, I suffered a severe sunburn that caused my entire back to blister and bleed. It was incredibly painful and actually ended up earning me a chemo "holiday" for about a month. Luckily, my break from chemo also happened just as I was packing up for my trip to Arizona to visit my family and bring my daughter home. So, it was nice that I was able to enjoy my five days there without the normal side effects of the chemo.

So, my daughter and I returned home to Minnesota in early August. We had a fun time on our flights and my daughter absolutely loves our new house and her new room. I took a lot of time in making sure that everything was perfect for her. She has adjusted well, made friends at school and in our neighborhood, and is spending a lot more time socializing with friends. My little girl is growing up!

The week before I flew to Arizona, Tyler finished up his t-ball season. He had a great season and enjoyed receiving his trophy at the end of season party. He was so proud! Now on to his new sport of choice..Hockey!!!

My two oldest kids have now started school, so it is just me and my little Logee during the day now. He is turning into such a sweet little man and has fun playing with mommy. Tyler got a train/train table for his birthday last week and Logee just loves playing with it. I love that he uses his imagination and is more interested in playing than watching any television. He occasionally get enthralled with a movie during rest time at his daycare, but other than that he watches almost zero television. He would much rather play with his toys, friends, or his brother. He is just so curious and excited about the world around him.

I am still attending classes at the University of Phoenix and just completed my fourth course and am proud to say I have earned straight As so far. Taking my classes really helps me to focus and concentrate on things other than cancer. and all the negatives that come with it.

I just completed my 25th cycle of treatment last week. I am still on my original chemo "cocktail" and am back to getting the hated Erbitux weekly. So, now my life literally revolves around my chemo schedule, but it is keeping me going. so, for that I am thankful. I just had another CT scan done and my cancer is stable. This means that there is no change..no shrinkage, no growth, and no spread. When you have as much cancer as I do, this is fantastic news.

So, that is what has been going on here. As usual, I appreciate all the support, thoughts, and prayers. I couldn't have made it this far without them.

Until next time,
Vicki

Cycle 20 and reflecting on the past year

So, This past Wed. marked my 20th cycle of treatment. I get "unhooked" tomorrow and will be feeling pretty tired for another three days after that. Then I will feel "normal" again until the next treatment. This is the way it goes and how I am managing my cancer as a chronic illness instead of the death sentence that some would like me to believe. I am living day to day with hope. July 2nd will mark my 1 year since diagnosis. What a year it has been!

It has been a difficult year for all that are close to me. We have certainly had our fair share of heartache, but we have also overcome many obstacles that have been thrown in our path. My children seem more content and happier than they have been in a long time despite the difficulties that we still face.

Up until early this year, my middle child was dealing with a lot of emotional and mental issues. Over the course of the past six months, he has made a complete turn-around. In fact, he has made huge improvements emotionally, mentally, and even socially. I was at my wits end with a very "difficult" child. When I look at photos of him from the past, he always seemed sad and grumpy. He never wanted anyone to touch him --no hugs or kisses for mommy. Today, he is always smiling in pictures, likes to be tucked into his own bed with hugs and kisses and is a wonderful friend and big/little brother. I am so proud of his accomplishments.

My oldest has also had her fair share of emotional and difficult times. Since she is a pre-teen, the full reality of my cancer and all that we face is known to her. She spent a few months with pretty major depression and anti-social behavior. She didn't want to do homework and really just disliked the "world". I was seriously worried about her. She also has made a huge turn-around and is such a remarkable young lady.

I guess I should feel lucky that my youngest is pretty clueless in terms of all that has happened in our lives. We have all come together as a family and Mark has been a blessing in helping us to live our lives as normally as possible and for my children to experience what it is like to be a part of a true family. My two little boys have found that they really enjoy each others company. When they play together they are starting to show how much they love and are fiercely protective of each other. It is so sweet how much little brother looks up to big brother.

The past few months have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Several of my stage Iv friends have become very ill. Some have recovered and are still fighting. One last week lost after a very courageous battle until the end. He was a fighter. I love my life and all those in it and I will continue to fight to be with my love ones for as long as I can. I still believe with all my heart that I can live with this. It sucks to wake up and your first thought is, "I have cancer", but you put your feet on the ground and you live!

As usual, thanks to everyone for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support. It means so much to me that so many people are rooting for me.

Until next time,
Vicki

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Kicked off Cycle 16

So, yesterday I went in for my five hour infusion. It went well and as always I fought the benedryl. I hate to sleep, so I watched kitty shows on Animal Planet, chatted with the other patients and nurses, texted with my a few people, and read a little. It actually went by pretty fast. I had my blood counts done just before infusion and they are normal still. The Doctor said that this chemo shouldn't affect them as much as the Oxy did.

My neuropathy is still really bad. My hands and feet are constantly numb and sometimes it's all the way up to my knees. I guess that is unusual. The doctor was surprised that my old clinic gave me the full 12 cycles of Oxy with symptoms this bad. It sounds as if this may be a permanent condition for me. It is uncomfortable and frustrating when I can' open things myself or normal small motor tasks take longer than usual, but it is something that I an live with.

I will have another PET scan in three weeks to determine the process of this current treatment. I am crossing my fingers and praying that it continues to do its job. I will have one more cycle before it is done here in Duluth, MN. Then I will have an appointment with the doctor to go over the results.

I also learned yesterday that the doctor here has been giving me steroids in my pre-meds. I am not happy about this. I went through 13 cycles of treatment without it, so I am not sure why they are giving it to me now. I have noticed a marked change in the way I feel. I feel way worse than I ever have. Increased hunger, thirst, urination, water retention, weight gain, and headaches. I feel like I am constantly hungry and thirsty. This is something that I am going to discuss with the nurses on Friday (when I gt unhooked from my pump) to see if they can get the Doctor to eliminate this as part of my treatment for now unless it is necessary.

The rest of my life is wonderful. I started my class at University of Phoenix and it has certainly been keeping my mind occupied. I have a busy week this coming week with papers due, Kindergarten preview for Tyler, and a couple of other appointments. It is nice to be living life with my honey and my kiddos. My daughter has one more month of school and then she will join us here in MN. I am so excited for that. We talk and text daily, but it just isn't enough.

Thanks to everyone who continues to support me, pray for me, and cheer me on. You are all blessings to my life.

Doctor's Appointment

Went to see the Doctor this morning for my check-up and to go over the results of the blood tests I had done on Monday. My CEA (tumor marker) went down from 770.9 to 697. My Liver is functioning normally and all my blood work was normal. A CT/PETSCAN is being scheduled in four weeks time to see where we are at with treatment. For now, things are improving and the treatment is working.

I took both my boys in for their check-ups and they withheld a couple of my youngest child's shots because they are live vaccines. There was concern that it might be too dangerous for me during treatment. I mentioned it at my appointment today and they told me that if I can avoid changing his diapers for 72 hours, he could receive his shots. That would be impossible, so I am holding off for now.

My youngest currently has a cold that I am trying to avoid getting. I am taking him to the doctor tomorrow as a precautionary measure. Poor little guy!

I started my class at the University of Phoenix on Tuesday. I am really excited about taking this step to further my education. Plus, as a added bonus it keeps my mind occupied on other things besides the big "C".

Thanks for all the continued support and prayers. I know they are working as I have been blessed with more time with my loved ones.