Rough Day

Had a rough day yesterday. Not feeling well both physically and had a huge surge of emotions that overwhelmed me. I spent a good part of the morning crying. My mom came over to take care of the kids, so that I could get some much needed sleep. I need to learn that my body doesn't work the way that it used to and I can't stay up late and get up early anymore.

I have so many thoughts going through my head and I have that the first thing that I think of in the morning is that, "I have cancer." The harsh reality and then a million thoughts come rushing in. Cancer has changed my whole perspective on everything. The "little things" that used to irritate me don't seem as important anymore. I spend each and every day telling and showing my children how much that I love them. There is not a moment that they are not in my thoughts. I think about living and seeing all their important moments and sadly I think about dying and leaving them without a mommy. I want so badly to live. but sometimes wanting is not enough. I pray that my body cooperates with the chemo and I can get more time to see all those "moments". None of us are promised tomorrow, but it seems so much scarier when you realize what that really means. I'm a fighter and I WILL fight for more time....