Shame on me

I am ashamed of the fact that I have neglected this blog for so long. When a person has a "terminal" illness or chronic disease, it is terrible to not keep people updated on how I am doing. I kind of lost myself emotionally for awhile and got tired of having cancer stake any validity in my life. I buried myself in my studies for Early Childhood Education and received my BA on February 25,2013. I struggled with people not understanding my need to keep myself mentally focused elsewhere to keep from losing my sanity. Now that I have finished my degree, I have been brainstorming other productive ways to keep my mind in a positive place. I have a plan and it is one where I can make the most difference and leave my footprint in this life.This blog is one of the things that I feel the need to focus more attention on. Especially when it was pointed out to me that my "story" may give others hope and encourage them. This seems especially important to me as I am coming up on the 4-year anniversary of my diagnosis. I sincerely apologize for my ignorance in not keeping people in the loop.

Over the past few months, I have been challenged with a few scary times where doctors thought that it might have been the end of the road for me. I pushed forward, remained positive, and eventually heard good news that things were not as they seemed.  Currently, I am still in active treatment and my cancer remains "stable". After four years, treatment has just become an area of my life that I have accepted. It allows me to remain alive and spend more time with my three beautiful children. I am thankful and blessed for that. I have also struggled with feeling overwhelmed by the expectations that often get placed on me because I appear to have so much strength. I push myself through everything, but sometimes it would be nice for some individuals to acknowledge that I do indeed have cancer and that I am not superwoman. Just because I don't complain, does not mean that I don't have bad days. I hate that the person I am today is no where near the person that I was, but I still strive to be her.