Just taking it one day at a time

I've had a rough week with trying to recover from Chemo on Monday and dealing with the aftermath of the events that took place on Monday Afternoon. For those of you that don't know, I was driving home from Chemo on Monday afternoon, in my boyfriend's car, when there was an explosion and the car burst into flames. I pulled over and got out of the car. There were several people that had stopped on the side of the road to help me. Including a very nice lady who could see that I was visibly shaken and let me sit in her car until the police and fire department arrived. The car is a total loss, but I am alright. Even though everyone keeps telling me that my being alright is what matters, I still feel terrible even though it was one of those freakish unexplained events. Even my boyfriend says how incredibly unfair it is that I was the one that was driving the car when this happened. I don't think anyone can stop the guilt, even if they did nothing wrong, when they are driving someone else's car and something happens. I was fortunate enough to be able to get a ride to get unhooked on Wednesday, but am unsure as to how to work all of this out to get to treatment in the future.

I was already in a tough place emotionally and mentally the past few weeks and now I feel like I have been pushed over the edge. I spend the first couple of days uncontrollably crying and feeling sorry for myself. I just don't know how to fix this. My boyfriend has been incredible. I know how unexpected and stressful this is for him. This is reality to the extreme and I just have to pray that things will work out as intended.

In my last post, I talked about how I have been slowly changing my diet and using supplements where I know that I am lacking and where research has proven them to be beneficial to colon cancer patients. I have been striving to make the majority of my meals more fruits, vegetables, and whole wheat pasta and beans. I am trying to minimize my intake of meat, dairy, and unhealthy snacks, etc. I have a long way to go, but I have made significant progress. I have also added supplements like omega-3, B-complex, D3 and probiotics. So far, I have noticed that I have been feeling a lot better with the changes. This week, I plan to go for daily walks and enroll in a yoga class.

Just wanted to send out another "Thank You" to all the wonderfully supportive people whose kindness and prayers have kept me motivated and inspired to stay healthy. It has been 26 months since my diagnosis and I refuse to give up.

Until Next time

Vicki

Hectic Life

The kids have been out of school since the end of May and it seems that we have been non-stop busy since then. There are so many things that need to be accomplished before the new school year starts and there never seems to be enough time or money. I've been feeling overwhelmed and emotional. I've been having many days where I just don't see how I can manage it all and I am envious of those people who have really close friends who live nearby to lean on when it all gets unbearable. My closest friends live on the other side of the country. I've tried to make friends here, but not having my own transportation has made it difficult to meet up since I live in a fairly rural area. Two years without a car and I have reached my breaking point. It gets me down. On top of all that I have been dealing with, I hate that I have to struggle with that. I know that some people may think that is whiny of me, but I feel very isolated right now.

Then last month, we had a scare with my middle son. Prior to a scheduled surgery to have his tonsils/adenoids removed and have bilateral tubes placed, there were concerns about some of his blood work that was done. Apparently, they did not like the numbers and it put him at higher risk for bleeding. So, they postponed his surgery and sent us to a hematologist to determine what the cause was. I was in a panic. How much more could I handle? Thankfully, a second round of blood tests turned up normal and his surgery was rescheduled for August 9th. We are two days post surgery and he is uncomfortable, but doing well. I am happy to have this surgery behind us and have him on the mend. Poor little guy must have had a sore throat his entire life and never knew any better or complained. The surgeon/ENT said that he had the tonsils of a 21 year old (they were that large). Once he is recovered, he is going to feel so much better. Plus, towards the end of last year, he as getting ear infections at a rate of almost one a month. This was a necessity and I am glad that we got it accomplished before the start of first grade.

We've also been busy with traveling to a family reunion, our county fair, and some local festivals. The kids have had a great summer and we still have until after Labor day before they return to school. Things will be hectic then with the three kids going to three separate schools. My oldest is starting 7th grade at the High school, my middle child 1st grade, and my youngest is starting preschool three mornings a week. This is going to be a great school year for all of them. :)

I want to thank everyone for your continued support and prayers. It means so much to me and it keeps me strong and focused on what is important - getting well. I have been doing a lot of research on nutrition and supplements lately and I have a list of blog posts that I want to do regarding this. So, look for those really soon. I also have been focusing on moving more whether that be walking, jogging, yoga, etc. I have a plan to make the most of my time in Sept when the kids go back to school, so I can continue on my healing journey and beat this stupid cancer.

It's late here, but I wanted to make sure to get this blog post up as promised. I will work on the other blog posts I mentioned as well as putting up some pictures of our summer adventures.

Until next time

xoxo

Vicki

End of June update

Not much has changed in terms of my treatment. I think there seems to be an ongoing misunderstanding with some of my friends and family regarding my treatment. I am currently on lifetime chemotherapy. There is no cure for me and I will continue to receive chemo for the duration of my life. It would literally take a "miracle" for my cancer to be cured. So, now it is all about living with cancer as a "chronic illness". When I was first diagnosed with an emergency trip to the hospital, my colon had actually ruptured. This actually was a very bad thing in terms of my prognosis.

So, for the most part, I have just been trying to eat healthier and exercise to increase the odds of my beating the odds. I am truly living my life for the sake of those that care about me. I am actually feeling pretty great these days. For a long time, I couldn't function without taking a daily nap, but I haven't needed that since the kids got out of school for summer in late May. Maybe that is because we have been really busy with activities like a trip to the Mall of America and the Aquarium in April and the zoo last weekend. This coming weekend we are celebrating my youngest child's 3rd birthday with a trip to Adventure Zone in Duluth.

Today, we went to my Oncologist appointment. I didn't have chemo today, but will resume next week with my regular bi-weekly schedule. I'm in the process of getting some major dental work done. (Thank you to cancer and chemo for completely destroying my teeth and any previous dental work I had done in 2008). Yesterday, I had to have two teeth pulled. Fortunately, after all I have been through, it was a piece of cake for me. So, we were going to schedule my dental work around my chemo, but after seeing me today, my oncologist and I decided that it was not necessary to delay any treatments. I would have had treatment today, but I had all three of my kids with me. Five hours with all three of them in a treatment room did not sound like a good day. So, instead we re-scheduled for next week. After my Appointment, the kids and I headed off to order my youngest child's birthday cake. I held him up to the book of cakes and he picked out the cutest Dora cake. :)

So, not much has changes around here, but we are keeping busy and having a fantastic summer.

Thank you for all your wonderful thoughts, comments, and prayers. They are keeping me as healthy as possible.

~Vicki

It's been such a long time (an update)

I really apologize that it has been such a long time since I updated my blog. Life has been crazy with three kids. I almost don't know where to start. Towards the end of last year, I had a scan and got the scary news that my cancer had spread once again to my lungs. We immediately switched my treatment to Folfuri with Avastin. I was scared, confused, but so very happy to be done with Erbitux for the moment. However, it always seems that you trade one nasty side effect for another. In the beginning of this treatment, I suffered horrible stomach aches and constipation. Thankfully, the pain was worth it and my latest scan showed no visible lung mets. The treatment is working. The side effects also seemed to have leveled out. I still have some back pain, headaches, and some not so fun lip blisters. In spite of that, I can say for the first time in a long time, I feel almost "normal". I can only pray that this treatment continues to do its job for a long time to come.

As for the rest of my world, I am just trying to live as normally as possible. I just finished my eighth class at University of Phoenix working towards my Bachelors. I have put my education on hold so many times in my life that in spite of everything, I feel there is no better time than "right now". It keeps me focused on something other than sitting on the "pity potty" and makes me feel like I am accomplishing something. For those that know me, you know that I take everything that I do very seriously and put all my effort into it. It has been hard now because with treatment comes "chemo brain" and I feel like I have to work twice as hard to concentrate and focus on anything. Maybe this is because I have been on continuous treatment since July 2009. who knows?!?!

All three of my kids are doing fabulous and I couldn't be prouder. I think the fact that I feel and act stronger than ever has helped them to manage their own emotions regarding my diagnosis. We all just have to live each day to the fullest and take it one day at a time. They know that their mommy is fighting like mad to spend more time with them.

In closing, I will say that this year is starting out on a more positive note than last year and I will continue to fight to be with my children. I appreciate all of my friends and family who continue to send their love, prayers, and support to me. It means everything to me. I will make more of an effort to keep people updated through my blog. I tend to forget that not everyone sees my daily progress updates on facebook or otherwise. To my cancer friends, you are all always in my thoughts and prayers.

Finally...an update!!!

It has been quite awhile since I last updated my blog. I sincerely apologize to those of you that follow my blog only. I tend to forget that not everyone is seeing my daily status updates on facebook or hearing about my elsewhere. I will make a better effort in the future to not leave people wondering about me. I am still fighting with everything that I have to kick this cancer's bootie!!!

These last few months have been busy with so many changes. In early July, I suffered a severe sunburn that caused my entire back to blister and bleed. It was incredibly painful and actually ended up earning me a chemo "holiday" for about a month. Luckily, my break from chemo also happened just as I was packing up for my trip to Arizona to visit my family and bring my daughter home. So, it was nice that I was able to enjoy my five days there without the normal side effects of the chemo.

So, my daughter and I returned home to Minnesota in early August. We had a fun time on our flights and my daughter absolutely loves our new house and her new room. I took a lot of time in making sure that everything was perfect for her. She has adjusted well, made friends at school and in our neighborhood, and is spending a lot more time socializing with friends. My little girl is growing up!

The week before I flew to Arizona, Tyler finished up his t-ball season. He had a great season and enjoyed receiving his trophy at the end of season party. He was so proud! Now on to his new sport of choice..Hockey!!!

My two oldest kids have now started school, so it is just me and my little Logee during the day now. He is turning into such a sweet little man and has fun playing with mommy. Tyler got a train/train table for his birthday last week and Logee just loves playing with it. I love that he uses his imagination and is more interested in playing than watching any television. He occasionally get enthralled with a movie during rest time at his daycare, but other than that he watches almost zero television. He would much rather play with his toys, friends, or his brother. He is just so curious and excited about the world around him.

I am still attending classes at the University of Phoenix and just completed my fourth course and am proud to say I have earned straight As so far. Taking my classes really helps me to focus and concentrate on things other than cancer. and all the negatives that come with it.

I just completed my 25th cycle of treatment last week. I am still on my original chemo "cocktail" and am back to getting the hated Erbitux weekly. So, now my life literally revolves around my chemo schedule, but it is keeping me going. so, for that I am thankful. I just had another CT scan done and my cancer is stable. This means that there is no change..no shrinkage, no growth, and no spread. When you have as much cancer as I do, this is fantastic news.

So, that is what has been going on here. As usual, I appreciate all the support, thoughts, and prayers. I couldn't have made it this far without them.

Until next time,
Vicki

Cycle 20 and reflecting on the past year

So, This past Wed. marked my 20th cycle of treatment. I get "unhooked" tomorrow and will be feeling pretty tired for another three days after that. Then I will feel "normal" again until the next treatment. This is the way it goes and how I am managing my cancer as a chronic illness instead of the death sentence that some would like me to believe. I am living day to day with hope. July 2nd will mark my 1 year since diagnosis. What a year it has been!

It has been a difficult year for all that are close to me. We have certainly had our fair share of heartache, but we have also overcome many obstacles that have been thrown in our path. My children seem more content and happier than they have been in a long time despite the difficulties that we still face.

Up until early this year, my middle child was dealing with a lot of emotional and mental issues. Over the course of the past six months, he has made a complete turn-around. In fact, he has made huge improvements emotionally, mentally, and even socially. I was at my wits end with a very "difficult" child. When I look at photos of him from the past, he always seemed sad and grumpy. He never wanted anyone to touch him --no hugs or kisses for mommy. Today, he is always smiling in pictures, likes to be tucked into his own bed with hugs and kisses and is a wonderful friend and big/little brother. I am so proud of his accomplishments.

My oldest has also had her fair share of emotional and difficult times. Since she is a pre-teen, the full reality of my cancer and all that we face is known to her. She spent a few months with pretty major depression and anti-social behavior. She didn't want to do homework and really just disliked the "world". I was seriously worried about her. She also has made a huge turn-around and is such a remarkable young lady.

I guess I should feel lucky that my youngest is pretty clueless in terms of all that has happened in our lives. We have all come together as a family and Mark has been a blessing in helping us to live our lives as normally as possible and for my children to experience what it is like to be a part of a true family. My two little boys have found that they really enjoy each others company. When they play together they are starting to show how much they love and are fiercely protective of each other. It is so sweet how much little brother looks up to big brother.

The past few months have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Several of my stage Iv friends have become very ill. Some have recovered and are still fighting. One last week lost after a very courageous battle until the end. He was a fighter. I love my life and all those in it and I will continue to fight to be with my love ones for as long as I can. I still believe with all my heart that I can live with this. It sucks to wake up and your first thought is, "I have cancer", but you put your feet on the ground and you live!

As usual, thanks to everyone for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support. It means so much to me that so many people are rooting for me.

Until next time,
Vicki

Check out this great giveaway

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