Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving! I'm headed off to my mom's in a little bit to have dinner with her, my kids, and two of my brothers. I am so blessed and thankful for each day that I have to spend with my family. It is weird how cancer changes your life in mysterious ways. I now make sure to let the people in my life know how much I love them and are thankful for them. Little things make me happy and in a way they always have. I now see how people come and go in your life and that is OK too. I have so much to be thankful for and my three beautiful children have brought me so much joy. I wish someone would have told me that children are like pieces of your heart walking outside of your body.

I am also thankful for all the love, prayers, and support I have gotten over the last five months since my diagnosis. I never knew I could feel so much love. You are all wonderful and make me believe that I will survive this. You are all blessings. I hope that you are all blessed this Thanksgiving with the love of family and friends.


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Chemo Cycle 9 delayed

So, I got to my appointment a little bit late yesterday by accident. (We had the time wrong) So, they refused to treat me and set my Cycle 9 schedule to next week (Mon-Wed) instead. The funny thing is that if I get there on time, they have made me wait almost an hour in the waiting room. It's funny how things work when the tables are turned.

I am looking on the bright side that at least my Thanksgiving dinner will taste "normal" and I will be able to enjoy it. I am looking forward to spending the holiday with my kids, my mom, and two of my brothers. I know that the time will be special.

My middle child came home on Sunday from his trip with his dad and he is so happy to be home. He went back to school on Monday and is doing so well. It was so nice to see how much he missed his home, his brother and sister, and me. I've been getting lots of hugs and loveys.

The baby has a cold and is a little cranky. I'm just hoping that no one else catches it. Otherwise, he is doing good and growing like a weed. Can you believe that he is already wearing a 3T at 17 months? He's not even overly chubby just really solid. He is my little charmer.

My oldest is doing well. She is looking forward to having the next three days off of school and the weekend. Things have been really tough on her and she could use the break from school. Her teacher is still not very understanding and it breaks my heart to see my daughter struggle. I really wish she would talk to someone.

I am doing well. I have made a lot of "online" friends that know what I am going through both with my diagnosis and with my pending divorce. It is nice to know that I am not alone. I am doing much better about everything and have reached the stage where I am actually finding my happiness again. It's actually been a long time coming and I'm happy to be single and raise my three beautiful children.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Weekend Update ;0)

So, I guess its time for an update. I am so glad that it is Friday. We get to sleep in tomorrow if we want to. Kaylie has been having a hard time lately and her teacher is not very understanding of our circumstances and the emotions/uncertainty that comes with my diagnosis. She seriously needs to cut my daughter some slack and be more understanding. It is very aggravating.

Otherwise, things are going as smoothly as possible considering. We are still waiting for Tyler to come home. He has been gone two and a half weeks now and was supposed to be brought home today. The ex has promised to have him home by Sunday. That seriously needs to happen as Tyler needs to go back to school and I miss him so much. It feels so good to know that we are nearing the end and hopefully I can start the new year with Cancer not being the first thing on my mind. I get my blood drawn again on Dec 2nd, so I will know then where I stand on my CEA counts and CA-19-9 which are the current tumor markers for colon cancer. At last blood draw, my CA-19-9 was normal, but the CEA was still quite high at a little over 300.

Hopefully, the next four cycles will be it for me. This cancer is aggressive and recurrence is very likely, but I can have hope and faith that it will be years instead of months before that happens - if ever.

I attended a Webinar last week on Nutrition and Lifestyle choices to prevent recurrence. It was very informative, but I seriously need to make some major changes in my diet. No more red meat for me. I also need to concentrate more on my mental health and think healing thoughts. I have also become a part of several online communities with other cancer patients/survivors and it has been so helpful to me to talk with others who truly know what I am going through.

I seriously need to see the film/documentary of "Crazy Sexy Cancer" and get her books when I have the "extra" money. My dad rocks! He just got me the DVD and both books after reading my blog. Love you, Dad :0) She is so inspiring and has lots of great tips as to not let cancer rule/ruin your life and to live life to the fullest. I want so much to wake up and not let the "c-word" consume my world. My kids deserve better than that and they are my first priority.

Other than the fatigue, I am doing good and trying my Best to take positive steps forward in my life. :0)

Monday, November 16, 2009

Post treatment update

Thought I would give everyone a post treatment update. I am actually doing quite well. My appetite has been a lot better and I actually managed to gain a few pounds instead of losing. I know this will help me to keep my strength up and be better in the long run.

The kids are keeping me going. I wake up and smile when I see them. They really are the light of my life. I have been truly blessed with three amazing and very different kids. They each amaze me in their own ways. I felt bad this morning because my pre-teen daughter had a crying meltdown and couldn't explain why she was crying. I know the uncertainty in out lives is taking its toll on her. I really wish that she would agree to counseling.

I have so much to do around this house. We are down-sizing and moving to an apartment hopefully in December. I wish I had a little more energy to get things done. I actually accomplished a lot so far and have been doing some serious cleaning and getting rid of stuff. It is amazing how much "junk" you collect over the years. It has been difficult to survive financially over the past few months, but this month really put the squeeze on. I haven't received any money from my ex for child support. Yet, he has had the money to feed himself, his girlfriend and our son at restaurants and fast food. It really makes me angry at how selfish he is being. Anyways, I need to get cracking on packing up this house. At least I was able to go through the playroom and get rid of toys while my little man was with his dad.

This week there is so much to do. I have my Erbitux treatment today. Plus, I have to run a couple of errands. Then on Thursday, we have the dreaded PET scan. I am extremely nervous for the results, but I know that it must be done. We have put it off for far too long. I'm just not looking forward to the two hours it takes and not being able to have carbs or sugar the day before. The day of, I can only have water. I am not a water drinker, so this will be difficult for me. ;0) Enough whining from me...I WILL survive!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Cycle 8 done and Gone :0)

Just finished Cycle 8 yesterday. Only 4 more treatments to go and hopefully I can start the new year Cancer free. I am hopeful that this treatment is working and will be finally doing my PET scan in the next couple of weeks. Need to get it done before the holidays creep up on us.;0)

Working on eating better and trying to gain a little weight back. I know this will increase my odds of not getting sicker and having more strength.

I am getting stronger by the day and more emotionally stable. I realized a lot of things about myself and I feel more empowered than I ever have. :0)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Cycle 8

We are almost 80% done with chemo treatment. :0) The shot worked and my white blood cells were up, so I was able to receive treatment yesterday. I never thought I would be so thankful to have chemo. Chemo sucks, but cancer sucks even more. It is going alright except the fatigue has set in again. I guess I should be thankful that I just have the baby here during the day and he still takes naps, so that I can too. That is a bonus, but I still miss my middle child who is visiting his father so much. I call him every day, even though he is not much of a phone talker just to check on him. My daughter is back to school this week after feeling a little under the weather last week. The baby is doing fine too. We are all adjusting to life with Cancer and making the best of it. I still have my moments of sadness, but I am a fighter and fighters win!

Sunday, November 8, 2009


I don't know why I feel so down lately. I go from feeling like a fighter to wanting to give up constantly. It's so hard to work though these emotions and feel so isolated all the time. I rarely get out of the house anymore unless it's to go to the store or chemo treatments. I think it is finally starting to take a toll on me. I'm tired of being sad and I know I need to pull myself out of this funk. I just sometimes wonder why all of cancer, my son's issues, and my husband leaving during all of this had to be my much more can I withstand?!

Sorry for the downer post, but I just had to get this off my chest.

Friday, November 6, 2009


Had my third shot today to try and boost my white blood cell count. Hopefully, I will be able to resume treatment on Monday. The shots give you some pretty funky bone pain, but I'm not complaining as long as it does it job. ;0) My CEA numbers continue to go down and my CA-19-9 is 34 which is normal. So, the treatment so far is working and I am so thankful.

My middle son is off with his father and I miss him so much. He only left yesterday,but I have only been away from him once before in his five years. This is really difficult for me right now when I want to spend every moment with my kids. My future is uncertain and I want them to know how much their mommy loves them and cherishes time with them.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

No Treatment today

I couldn't receive treatment today because my White Blood Cell count was too low. So, instead I received a shot today and for the next two days as well. Then hopefully, I will be able to receive treatment on Monday -Wed if the counts are up to normal.

Otherwise things are going alright and I have been forcing myself to eat..even though everything tastes like cardboard. I met a lady at my treatment center today that is the same age with the same exact diagnosis. It was nice to met yet another person that understands what I am going through. She too is a single mom. We exchanged numbers and I look forward to talking more with her. :0)

Thanks to everyone for the continous prayers and kind thoughts. They really are helping me through this. :0)

Monday, November 2, 2009

My Banner

My banner was made from my daughter, Kaylie.

An update

As most of you know by now, my husband of 7 years left me last week for another woman. She is his team driver and I am slowly healing. I realized that we haven't been "in love" for a long time. The kids are doing fine with their mommy and the only one that really realizes what is going on is my oldest. She is really hurting right now and angry for me. She is such a precious angel.

Otherwise, we are all doing great. I feel stronger and stronger every day. I will have new CEA and CA-19-9 numbers at the end of the week. Hopefully, those numbers continue to go down as I kick this cancer's bootie. I feel positive and I am so thankful for all the love and support of my family and friends. We start Cycle 8 of 12 on Wed and I am hoping that this round is gentler on me than the last cycle. I think the last cycle was more depression with all that has been going on in my life.

I have been urged to get counseling, but hesitate because it one more thing that my mom will have to drive me to. Although, she could probably use some counseling with me. Maybe my daughter too. My sons are both to young to even grasp was is going on.

Today I am meeting with the founder of which helps single moms that are battling cancer and going through treatment. I am really looking forward to meeting her. I see how much they have helped other moms and I am excited to have yet another team of moms on my side.

My ex is probably about to quit his job because he is currently in the hole. So, I am stressed about money because I won't be seeing any Child support for awhile. I may have to consider living with my mom for a few months. At least until my treatments are over and I have saved money for a smaller place and hopefully a used car. I hate being cooped up in this house all the time. There is a great playgroup for my youngest but I can't go to any of the events because they are too far to walk and I can't burden my mom anymore than I already have.

I'll get off my pity pot, but that is my current life situation in a nutshell. Thank you to everyone for your prayers and kind thoughts. I will be alright.