Thursday, June 24, 2010

Cycle 20 and reflecting on the past year

So, This past Wed. marked my 20th cycle of treatment. I get "unhooked" tomorrow and will be feeling pretty tired for another three days after that. Then I will feel "normal" again until the next treatment. This is the way it goes and how I am managing my cancer as a chronic illness instead of the death sentence that some would like me to believe. I am living day to day with hope. July 2nd will mark my 1 year since diagnosis. What a year it has been!

It has been a difficult year for all that are close to me. We have certainly had our fair share of heartache, but we have also overcome many obstacles that have been thrown in our path. My children seem more content and happier than they have been in a long time despite the difficulties that we still face.

Up until early this year, my middle child was dealing with a lot of emotional and mental issues. Over the course of the past six months, he has made a complete turn-around. In fact, he has made huge improvements emotionally, mentally, and even socially. I was at my wits end with a very "difficult" child. When I look at photos of him from the past, he always seemed sad and grumpy. He never wanted anyone to touch him --no hugs or kisses for mommy. Today, he is always smiling in pictures, likes to be tucked into his own bed with hugs and kisses and is a wonderful friend and big/little brother. I am so proud of his accomplishments.

My oldest has also had her fair share of emotional and difficult times. Since she is a pre-teen, the full reality of my cancer and all that we face is known to her. She spent a few months with pretty major depression and anti-social behavior. She didn't want to do homework and really just disliked the "world". I was seriously worried about her. She also has made a huge turn-around and is such a remarkable young lady.

I guess I should feel lucky that my youngest is pretty clueless in terms of all that has happened in our lives. We have all come together as a family and Mark has been a blessing in helping us to live our lives as normally as possible and for my children to experience what it is like to be a part of a true family. My two little boys have found that they really enjoy each others company. When they play together they are starting to show how much they love and are fiercely protective of each other. It is so sweet how much little brother looks up to big brother.

The past few months have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Several of my stage Iv friends have become very ill. Some have recovered and are still fighting. One last week lost after a very courageous battle until the end. He was a fighter. I love my life and all those in it and I will continue to fight to be with my love ones for as long as I can. I still believe with all my heart that I can live with this. It sucks to wake up and your first thought is, "I have cancer", but you put your feet on the ground and you live!

As usual, thanks to everyone for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support. It means so much to me that so many people are rooting for me.

Until next time,


  1. It sure it a roller coaster. Sending you strength and courage.

  2. It's great to hear from you VickI and even better to know you are plugging along with your optimism!!!

    xoxo ~ danica

  3. "This is the way it goes and how I am managing my cancer as a chronic illness instead of the death sentence that some would like me to believe." ~Wow. That is a profound statement. Good for you! Keep the positive attitude. :) Whidbey Woman

  4. Vicki, Popping in to see if there's an update. Your friends in blogland care!
    How are you?